Ramadan Reflection: Holy Month of Muses

It’s the holy month of Ramadan and for those of you who don’t know. it’s a month of purity, getting closer to god and being the best version of yourself for muslims all around the globe. You practice self -restraint in order to feel the suffering of the less fortunate and let me tell you, you suffer. You think about a lot of things when you’re dealing with exhaustion, dehydration and hunger. You become the worst version of yourself when you’re “hangry”. The thing is, after all that suffering, the Iftar meal you eat after sunrise to sunset makes everything worthwhile. The company you break fast with makes up for lost time with family when everyone is too busy to eat a normal family dinner throughout the rest of the year. You connect to god in more ways than one and it opens your soul in ways you thought it couldn’t. You rethink your priorities and values (like having 3 vanilla lattes will definitely cause caffeine withdrawal and major headaches when fasting). You aspire to be a better person but you also realize nobody is perfect and that being the best person you can be is truly just being you. Unless you’re like a really horrible person, then maybe try to change 180. I feel like along the way we forget why we are the way we are. This ramadan, I reflected on the humans who made me who I am. Because I take a lot for granted during the rest of the year (food, coffee, every hour snack breaks) but most of all, I take a lot of you all for granted for being my holy month of muses.

To My Girls: You’re there through thick and thin and you always choose to boost each other rather than tear each other down. With us, it’s never a competition, outshining one another was never our thing. It’s a sisterhood. We fight, we argue but we forgive and forget. We love each other through our worst times crying in pillows and swearing up and down that we’re never leaving the house to reminding each other our worth. We celebrate our milestones and being genuinely happy for one another. You girls keep me sane when I feel like the world is insane and love me no matter how many questionable mistakes I make. You all are my secret keepers and my advice givers, even if the advice is most possibly the worst advice and ends up screwing me over. You listen because you care even if I’m talking about the same scenario 30x over and you’re nodding your head while you’re dozing off. Through every bump, we’ve learned to stay loyal to one another and that’s respect that will never be lost.

To My sister: You slowly teach me patience and kindness by learning to let go of things that don’t matter. You have engraved in my head unknowingly not to take life so seriously and to just enjoy it just by simply living yours. Not everything has an agenda and sometimes it’s okay to just take it one step at a time. You’ve seen the worst sides of me and all you do is make fun of me but I wouldn’t have it any other way because you’re Mira. The kindest, most genuine soul I have ever met. I aspire to be like you. You’re independent in ways I strive to be and I truly believe you don’t have a mean bone in your body (except when I steal your shoes, hell breaks loose but we’ll let it go).

To My Mother: You’ve instilled drive and motivation in me to keep pushing, no matter if I see a light at the end of the tunnel or not. No matter if everything around me is tumbling down, just to keep pushing and stay positive. You taught me how to respect myself, morals and values, even if others try to prove me otherwise. You taught me true indefinite love by loving me no matter how many times I’ve let you down. Through everything life threw at you, you’ve conquered it with a smile and little faith in god. By growing up with the most generous mother and how you give, give, give and never expect anything in return, I learned to become selfless with the little money I do have (ha). You are the most inspiring mother I know, who raised your (sometimes psychotic) daughters to achieve their dreams before all. You’re our best friend and we love you more than words will ever show. Without you, we would be lost and I want you to know you deserve the world given to you on a silver platter (with hookah and Turkish coffee, don’t worry).

To the strangers along the way who taught me that you learn something new about yourself everyday and life is about enjoying the little things. To never believe I’m entitled to anything and to treat anybody and everybody the way I would want to be treated. 

To the ones who are no longer a part of my life, You taught me how to let go and to build a strength I’ve never believed I could hold. You taught me the negatives of myself and how I can turn them into positives. Not everyone who walks into your life path is there to stay and there’s a beauty to it. I learned life’s hardest lessons from you by detaching and focusing on myself.

To the ones who’ve done me wrong, you’ve taught me that kindness and honesty only goes so far. You’ve tested my patience and my morals and turned me into somebody I don’t respect. But without that, I wouldn’t of learned how to let go. You reminded me that removing people from my life doesn’t mean lost memories, it means a new beginning from something that was an anchor to my happiness all this time. You’re supposed to forgive during this holy month and I do because at the end of the day, God sees everything. As long as I know myself and believe my morals and truth, I am able to slowly remove the hatred in my heart that would only impose on my happiness. I wish you all happiness in your own ways, I truly do. I wish whatever motives you’ve had in your heart to do others wrong, teaches you the little lessons you’ve needed all this time. Maybe certain situations, relationships or experiences caused you to do the things you did but it’s never too late to change yourself for the better.

To the ones I’ve done wrong, I’m most definitely far from perfect. I’m stubborn, relentless and absolutely careless to certain situations and feelings. I don’t think before I speak and can say and do unspeakable things. This is the worst version of myself. When I detach, I don’t care about others and rarely put myself in their shoes because hello, I’m saving myself. You can fend for yourselves. (Worst person of the world award goes to me) But, I want you to know, I truly am sorry. For anything I put you through, for anything I said that truly offended you and for never truly apologizing. You’re the better person and yeah maybe in return, you’ve done me wrong but god knows I deserved it. Just know, I’m not as careless and emotionless as I come out to be. I use it as a defense mechanism and it’s probably the worst self-advice I ever use on myself. I wish I could make everyone happy but I can’t and I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, vice versa. I also am not asking for forgiveness because can you really forgive somebody who broke you. Well I don’t know if I broke anyone but if you think I did, just know I wasn’t worth your time or energy. I was the person god (unfortunately) threw into your life to teach you life’s lessons. Pondering on the why’s will do you more damage than good, take what you can and learn from it because life is a vicious cycle. I respect that you haven’t got a voodoo doll of me yet and put pins in it because I’m still alive (shoutout god).

To the silent supporters, you might not show you care or are a part of my daily life but I know you’re there. Little signs show you still love and care for me no matter what, I want to thank you for being by my side and supporting me silently on the sidelines. It never goes unnoticed and just know, feelings are 100% mutual.

God, for never giving up on me. For reminding me that I’m on this earth for a reason whether I get strayed away sometimes or not. For weaving me through the hardships and guiding me through the milestones. For teaching me that life is just one big lesson and at the end of it, you became the true you.

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