We, as humans, love to be good people. Whether that means caring for people and making sure their feelings don’t get hurt or purely just being a genuine person. We want to believe the world is filled with rainbows and butterflies but shocker, it’s not. We’re taught to put up a front and continuously be blissful. We’re supposed to zip our mouths if we don’t expect what we want and be pleased with what we receive. We’re supposed to deal with tragedy with stability. I always vouch for killing it with kindness and letting things slide but the question is, when is it time to speak up? When is it time to say enough is enough, whether it’s starting with getting mistreated at work to universal tragedies. Why is it that if we do finally break the silence, god forbid, we are the definition of bitches. Or better yet, we don’t know what we’re talking about or we’re not putting ourselves in “their” shoes. With a unanimous decision, we (I, just me) admit that periodically being Blair Waldorf in real life will get you to farther places than being season one Jenny Humphrey. As Blair Waldorf would say, “Huge no to putting on those repulsing shoes, I’ll stick to my Jimmy Choos.” We’re better off doing what we do best, changing in our own shoes. If we want change, we need to start small. Start with you and know your worth. Here are a few small and simple scenarios I promised myself I wouldn’t zip my mouth for anymore because, like I said, start small.
- Scenario: You’re getting treated like shit by everyday people like the Starbucks barista or waitress at the restaurant you’ve been dying to go to
- Solution: Don’t treat them like shit back but don’t give them the excuse that they’re probably having a horrible day. We all have horrible days but don’t bring it out on somebody who has done nothing but order an ahi tuna salad or cappuccino with a smile. Not only that, it will reflect in their tip and/or reputation so it’s a lose-lose situation. Vice versa, don’t be THAT customer who orders every little thing, complains about service and treats the person treating you like they’re scum. It goes both ways
- Scenario: You get let down on holidays/milestones/special events and it constantly seems like the other person puts 0 effort
- Solution: Basically, pick and choose your battles Sometimes we expect too much out of people but also we can’t expect the worst. It’s the little things that matter, like if they even planned anything. But if it really bothers you, don’t bottle it up. That same little thing that annoys you now will be the same red flag that ends the relationship in the future. If it really is important to you, let them know it bothers you that it seemed that they didn’t put an effort. BUT you can say it in a way where it doesn’t make them feel useless. You also don’t want to nag too much and be needy, find that balance.
- Scenario: That one friend is constantly getting mad at you for things you don’t see as a big deal yet you constantly apologize for the sake of the friendship
- Solution: There are times where you really are at fault but you just assume your friend is overreacting because you’re prone to that. However, sometimes the little tiny things truly don’t matter. Let them know that you care for the friendship but you’re not going to deal with the little nonsense bickering. It’s all about letting the good times roll. If they want to continue getting mad, let them. But DON’T keep apologizing because there are far more important things to focus your time and energy on.
- Scenario: Your boss is taking advantage of you and you can’t say anything because, well, they’re your boss
- Solution: This is a hard line to cross. You can’t just tell your boss to stop using you as a stepping stone but at the same time, you don’t want to not feel valued. What you can do in this situation is give it your all but if they still don’t appreciate you…..it’s time. Find yourself a new job where your hard work doesn’t go unnoticed. There is another job out there that will value you and your work ethic. If you love your job then maybe talk to your boss if there’s something you’re not doing, or if there’s something you should be doing differently but that case is usually rare. In some cases, they probably haven’t even noticed the way their treating you.
- Scenario: Toxic people keep coming back into your life and you never had the guts to tell them to stay out of your life for good
- Solution: Well, you can sincerely just tell them in the nicest way possible to f*** off. Excuse my language, except there’s no sincere way to do it. They obviously are coming back for a reason and believe it or not, it’s not because they miss you. It’s because they miss the idea of you. Don’t get fooled because like I said, history repeats itself. Just make Dua Lipa’s song New Rules your anthem.
As for tragedies bigger than life itself, I haven’t found the answer just yet. I know we’re all supposed to stick together as a nation but if we all have different points of view and beliefs, how would that work? I do know we’re supposed to do the better good for the majority because this isn’t a perfect world but where do we draw the line. For now, in the least shallow way possible, I’ll stick to my Jimmy Choos until I have the chance to brainstorm with the guy wearing New Balance or the girl wearing Steve Madden.